Present - The only link between past and the future

 

With clouds all around in an evening flight from Delhi to Bangalore, the pilot confirms there is choppy weather ahead and hence, we need to tighten our seat belts. Thoughts of all that could go wrong in a splash of a second swirl in my mind, including a Netflix series where a plane went through choppy weather and as they landed, 5 years had passed by. And ah! I start thinking, that could happen to me too. It would have taken a maximum of three minutes to process this entire chain of thought, of all that could potentially happen and then, a small click in my head somewhere affirms, “Everything is alright, you will be fine.”

This switch in a matter of minutes, makes me think of how our mind plays games with us. I do believe, as we grow up, we tend to see everything with an element of skepticism and naturally more often than not our mind finds comfort in planning for the future with caution and at times negativity. It is equally comforting to make ourselves the victim in the current moment.

Common statements we all hear and practice where our mind is playing to give justification for our action in past or for a potential future outcome where we don’t want to take direct responsibility and not act in present moment

• I will be thinking of changing my department next year, if my peer is promoted and is going to lead the business, I don’t want to work with him in the future (we are so dependent on somebody else’s future actions, that we are basing our own actions/future on them).
• Although I didn’t want to go to a party I still went as my friends insisted, I didn’t enjoy it a single bit (the victim is also the decision maker of going to the party). It is comforting to put the responsibility on someone else.
• I have done my bit in this relationship, but my partner is just not understanding, they have always been like this (the victim here is me as I am the one putting in the efforts, either take the action consistently and be happy with it or move out of the situation). 

 Of course, in life, emotions are a little more complicated than what is mentioned here and we seem to be governed by many conditionings: self, social, moral, financial. But the ways of life can be less complicated if we try to live more in the present moment and have a broad idea of where we want to go as well as have a strong belief in our actions and unwavering faith.

Back to my fear of being a victim in a flight in bad weather to quickly watching the beauty of multi-layered clouds outside the plane window, I realised the journey of training my mind to be in the present moment has helped me immensely. I am able to time and again get back my mind to what I am doing ‘Now’.

This has worked wonders for me, my journey started at a time when I was going through a difficult phase in my life and I felt loosing control over all phases of my life and obviously future!!. Being the control freak that I was, it felt as if I was turning out to be a loser. Slowly, I realised, other than my actions in the present moment, I never had and will never have any control over the outcomes. The results were actually a manifestation of consistent effort in a particular direction and the power to work on those efforts came from staying in the present moment.

We are taught all through in our lives to focus to outcomes, achieve certain grades in exam or enter a particular university or a high paying job, complete the most profitable project, a happy married, family life, houses, cars, hefty amount in your bank account and then we will be happy… but having passed through the journey, I do feel we should change the teachings if you will enjoy the current moment and be fully immersed in whatever you are doing without thinking of the outcome, you will be happy. And being happy is what the eventual purpose of life is, isn’t it?

I do remember that my favourite assignments at work have been where I blissfully enjoyed solving complex problems, without thinking about the time in the clock or money I was going to earn. As those were the moments, I was living in the present. Such are the instances even in personal life. Present is where life exists.

Few practices which have helped me stay in the moment that I wanted to share:

1)      Start one day at a time - I started by living in the current day, worrying about just the present day, as living just in the moment was too scary for me in the beginning!!

2)      If you are worried about future or upset about past, indulge yourself in some other activity which engages you actively, walking running, painting, gardening, playing where your energy is well channelised

3)      Write down positive affirmations about yourself, reassuring yourself always helps

4)      This one is my second best favourite, I learnt from a reel of a spiritual teacher, when you are anxious, feel your breath, if you can feel it, means you are still breathing, means there is more that you can do ‘Now’. Be calm, you have not lost the plot.

5)      This is one is my go-to when my mind wanders - Do some Japa (again affirmation but towards the larger Universe or greater power)

6)      Last but not the least, living in the present does not mean you are not planning, it just means you are not worrying unnecessarily about the future and focusing on your actions for this moment and being honest about it.

Though I have surely not perfected the art and it is a work in progress, but to me Now is the only thing in my hand and rest all is designed by a bigger Power or Universe and is purely out of my control.

Most recommended book on this topic : Eckhart Tolle’s 'Power of Now' is an amazing one on this.

Motherhood

Spending time with my daughter on mother's day in her hostel was least on my agenda, but guess that was destined for today and I am enjoying every bit of it.
Having had a very conventional upbringing my own relation with my mother was quite traditional but she is the strong force behind my educational, professional and ofcourse personal journey.

My experience of motherhood has  taught me many a things and I am sure few more lessons to be learnt

1) Being a mother is being part of Nature's miracle : Giving birth to other living being is the nature's best miracle for expansion and I am grateful for it.  It is still surprises me how suddenly after giving birth to a child you start intuitively understanding how to take care, protect, nurture etc. (While this is also related to hormones, mother nature has a huge role to play to instill these emotions in us)

2) Being a mother is not just about caring and protecting always :To begin with, I thought being a mother was all about being around her, taking care of her against any hurts, it's much later I realised it is also about letting her fall, get up on her own and start walking again. Yet be there, when she needs you.
It is a difficult balance between being a pampering and disciplined mother, guess thats an art.


3) Life skills and Value system is the critical part : As was my duty to hold her hand when she started walking, it was equally my duty and was fun teaching her driving. I enjoy teaching her financial management skills as much as l loved teaching alphabets and colours to an adorable young kid.
Rather than telling her to keep digital platforms away for critical times, we had to make it a way of life at home first for her to subtly take the message .
Going on luxury vacation is only one form of exploration, we have explored trekking, kayaking and meditation retreats together as well.  Ofcourse, both of us have our terms laid out upfront for these outings, we try to enjoy what other one likes too.


4) Parenting is a test of patience : This is tested so often, be it on simple topics of what to eat, wear to complex topics of what professional course to take. When to get up in morning to which stock to invest in.
I am thankful bringing up a child has made me patient in other fields of my life too.

5) Self care : Last but not the least my biggest lesson is as much it is critical to take care of her, I need to take care of myself first, for motherhood is only one part of my life but not the life in total. This is the biggest lesson I want her to take.

I have frankly enjoyed every phase of motherhood and continue to do so but I liked being a friend more than being a disciplined parent. I am sure there are more twists and turns ahead in the journey, both with my mother and daughter and I look forward to it with open arms.

Coffee, Cake and Consistency

 Sitting in a newly opened bakery and enjoying a nice cake, I appreciated how nicely it was baked because all of the ingredients were well mixed and of good consistency. I wondered if that wasn't true for everything in life. Consistency creates habits, which define our approach to life and, as a result, how happy or satisfied we are.

Sipping a nice cup of coffee with a nice consistency of milk, water, and cocoa made me think that we all have the inherent strength, ideas, and intentions to achieve results, so why do only a few people succeed? Is it luck, fate, or some other factor at work?

When we were students, we wanted to take proper, regular notes, attend classes, and get good grades at the beginning of each academic session. But after the first week, we gave ourselves leeway to be lenient for a day, then a week, and by the time we realised, the year had passed us by, and we blamed it on bad company, distractions, and sometimes even teachers. Isn't it the same for the workplace? We blame our co-workers, competitors and seniors, but the question is, are we consistent in our effort every day? When the allure of a task wears off , we either perceive it to be simple, boring, or overly difficult. If by much effort, we get close to finishing the task, the last mile appears to be the longest. However, it is not the last mile that is the longest, but it is the point at which our willpower or interest are exhausted, that makes it feel difficult.

Similarly in our relationships, whether with family or friends, if we don't get into a habit of spending quality time with them on a regular basis, a drift begins and eventually the gap becomes so large that we can't bridge it.

I believe this is the same reason why religious rituals, such as mantra chanting, Sunday church prayers, fasting on specific days, and so on, were instituted in the first place. All of this helps us develop the habit of repeating the same prayer to the Supreme Being, providing us with the much-needed faith and assurance to keep moving even in the most difficult circumstances.

Many health businesses make a lot of money based on this psychological fact; many of us join health clubs at the start of the year and leave well before the 15th of January because maintaining consistency is boring and, ah! there is always a next month.

This is also a fundamental based on which the finance industry has picked up.  Mutual funds thrive on monthly Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) which is nothing more than making a habit of consistently saving and similar can be sent for loan EMIs. Unfortunately,  when you fail to follow these financial habits, there is a penalty to pay that we can see, but  there is a similar penalty for other habits that are not followed on a regular basis that we can not see. Non-financial inconsistencies result in more severe penalties, which are difficult  to quantify but are serious, such as unhappiness, restlessness, dissatisfaction etc.

As I pay the bill and leave, I realise the power of habit and how controlling one's mind of distraction helps make the habit of focusing on right objectives and  allowing us to live a happy and fulfilled life.

This morning my daily affirmations diary mentioned about the same "Good and bad habits both take time to acquire force. Powerful bad habits can be displaced by opposite good habits if the latter are patiently cultured." - Sri Sri Paramhansa Yogananda

Gratitude - The Real Essence

 

I read a beautiful line in one of the Insta-reels few days back, “If there was only one prayer you must do each day, it should be Gratitude”.

I always thought I was full of Gratitude for what others have done for me or what God has given me. But little did I reflect, it was a thanks to satisfy my own ego. Have we ever wondered what is Gratitude, the dictionary meaning of the word is to be thankful for what is being provided.

 There are lot of things in our lives to be thankful for, atleast I can say that for myself ...I am thankful for being born and associated with good family, basic necessity like food, clothing, shelter, good education, good organisation to work for, close friends, an active mind, active body, blessings of a Guru. I am sure each and everyone of us has got such list of multiple things to be thankful of and we do thank our God and stars for the same.

 Off late, I had been in discussions with various people on this topic of Gratitude and most of them agreed there are multiple things to be thankful for but yet they are pained and unsatisfied for many a things they don't have or they think they deserve but don't have.

 To yearn for more is not wrong as that is the tendency with which we are born. This is what keeps going and achieve new things, a fact well verified and attested by many a psychologists and spiritual gurus alike. Yearning for more is not bad but being unhappy during the process for that yearning is what makes us unhappy. As a shloka in Isha Upanishad says on yearning for finding completeness is all what we each one of us crave for.

 पूर्णमद: पूर्णमिदं पूर्णात् , पूर्ण मुदच्यते, 

पूर्णस्य पूर्णमादाय, पूर्ण मेवा वशिष्यते। 

Which simply put means, since Divine Consciousness is complete (Purna) and Inner World is also complete (Purna) and we all  manifest to have same completeness inside out and outside in  

 Hence, the basic question arises if we are thankful at one end, why are we unhappy at the other end. To me, we are thankful about materialistic or let's say tangible  things that we acquire mostly, a house, a car, a promotion, a child, a status in society, marriage, birthday etc. Have we not seen our good selves going to worship places and donating money on any big occasion when we are happy and thankful. We do this because we relate it to achievements of tangible kinds and this our way of thanking the Supreme. Likewise, we give gifts or return gifts on birthday parties, anniversary or other get togethers, again our way of showing gratitude to our close ones.

 I often wonder how many times have we shown Gratitude to God and others around us when we are in a difficult or unpleasant situation. Do we often say thank you God, I didn't get a promotion or pay hike, do we say thank you to our family members when they act or do things we don't like. Do we express our Gratitude for a person who cheated upon us or who let us down.

I had a boss in one of early career roles who I thought didn’t like me and hence I was denied promotions for two consecutive years and I would crib a lot about her. On a hindsight after a time lapse, I thought it was good as it made me acquire a new skill and look for a new job. But, I must admit for those two years, I was not grateful to her for her behaviour towards me.

 Gratitude is of course the only prayer we should do but with a slight twist

 We should be thankful for all the good things, pleasant situations, health, happiness, prosperity that we have but we should also be grateful towards all the unhappy, unpleasant and failures we encounter every day. Gratitude is not only a feeling of thanking God and near ones but it is also a feeling of surrendering to His will and situations we encounter with a firm resolve to keep on acting on every situation that comes our way. Its only when surrender is part of Gratitude, we are truly living the essence of this word.

 Every year on the  first day of the new calendar year, we  have a habit of going through how the year went by more as a reflection. This year we did it a week earlier on Christmas day instead and little did any one of us know what last week had in store for us and in one of the most unexpected event of loosing my father to a very short illness.

As much as I wanted to mourn his going and there was a portion of my mind which wanted to cry and have some emotional outburst but there was very undefined peace around the situation. Of course, I miss him and will always do but more than that I cherish the life he lived on his own terms with all his knowledge and flair. So, when I surrendered to the situation, it was calm and peaceful. And that is when I realised the true meaning of Gratitude.

 Gratitude is not an emotion to be lived on occasions but a life habit to be incorporated in our every day life. In grief, in sorrow, in happiness, in love, in tears and smile I hope I remember only one prayer and that is "Thank You"